THINK TWICE: DOWN THE WORMHOLE

A Macro Human Techno Messiah Story

 

CHARACTERS:

VEXA VIRTUEOCITYůlover---in-your-face cyber-activist in love with her idea of saving the world; determined to stop the advance of the Mind Web Inc, mind reading technology

 

BEN THEREůthe loverůour hero÷web programmer, works for Mind Web Inc., is somewhat unsure of the mind web technology, wonders whether all of this complexity can really make life simpler, a romantic, compassionate man at heart, long ago ex-lover of VexaŪs

 

RED WONGLYůzaniůBen ThereŪs roommate, total techno drone÷funny, personifies the extreme consumerism/the typical consumed consumer; completely addicted and blindly adoring the techno system; she has the To Do chip.

 

LORDA TECHNOTRIXůbrigellaůshe is the president of Mind Web Inc.; at first, she seems well intended (sheŪs offering humanity a valuable, time-saving service, isnŪt she?!) but turns out to be an evil mistress of technology who wants to use the TO DO chip to take over the world

 

MS SMITH & MS JONESůreal world employees of Mind Web Inc./report to Lorda

BIT & BYTEůharliquinasůlive and work the inside of the computer; they are the personification of the virtual network

 

 

SETTING

LORDAŪs office

inside the network of the mainframe web at Mind Web Inc Headquarters

BEN and REDŪs cubby hole apartment cubicle

 


SCENE 1ůinfo jingle/intro

 

[LORDA, JONES (BIT, 1) SMITH (BYTE, 0), and VEXA, in office wear like the others but skulking behind them, not quite belonging to the picture]

 

JONES:Yesterday at work, I thought, steak would be wonderful for dinner tonight.But after work, I had to take Jimmy to dance class, Sharon to soccer practice, do my kick-boxing yoga at the gym--

 

SMITH: I knew the other day that my feet hurt, but I didnŪt even have time to take off my shoes, much less buy the Perky Pedestrian Pumps that would have solved my problem!

 

JONES: --pick up the kids, and prep for sex with my husband because IŪm ovulating today!I barely have time to thinků

 

SMITH:--much less do!

 

LORDA:Does this sound familiar?Are you stressed, tired, over-extended?Does it seem as if life is getting more complicated, rather than simpler?

 

Jingle beat

 

Well, we have the solution.Think with us, and weŪll do it for you!Here at Mind Web, weŪve revolutionized the communication paradigm to make your life simplerů

 

JONES:÷easier?ů

 

SMITH:÷smoother?ů

 

LORDA:÷with the To-Do Chip.

 

[VEXA spasms, goes into predatory mode before remembering and resuming her facade of Mind Web drone]

 

LORDA: With the To-Do Chip, simply think of something, anythingů

 

JONES:Dinner for the family.

 

SMITH:My feet hurt.

 

LORDA:And weŪll immediately deliver the solution, with no action necessary on your part!

 

DELIVERY PERSON (CAMEO):[enters, offers shoes and steak on a platter] Delivery [exits]

 

 

LORDA:Here at Mind Web, weŪre actually able to offer you the most valuable commodity in the world: time.Just sign over any three of eight convenient major credit cards, and the ToDo Chip is yours.Mind Web: think with us, and weŪll do it for you.

 

OFFSTAGE VOICE: [said rapidly, in lawyerese] Customer acknowledges that MIND WEB is not responsible for any skill or judgment used in selecting products and agrees that unwanted products must be returned within fifteen minutes of receipt of the time of delivery to avoid charge for product.

 

OFFSTAGE VOICE: Cut!

 

LORDA:Alright, folks, itŪs a wrap; weŪll be broadcasting that in a few days.Back to work, back to work. exits

 

JONES:Wow, working at Mind Web is so exciting!I never thought IŪd be an actress!

 

SMITH:And what a privilege to tell people about the ToDo Chip!

 

VEXA: aside To contribute to the mass extinction of free thought.

 

JONES:Hmm?

 

VEXA:Oh, the convenience of thought!And technology!Together!

 

JONES:Ahhh...shakes VexaŪs hand, looks at Palm Pilot, confusion

 

JONES & SMITH:[hostile] Are you new?

 

VEXA:Uh, yes!Very new!Just got here today!Very pleased to be here, being new and all... gets hold of self, stops babbling

 

SMITH:Well, you should go by HR and get your handprint entered into the database, or youŪll just be a blank on everyoneŪs palm pilot.

 

JONES & SMITH:Bye.

 

VEXA:Oh, yes, I will!And is HR near the main control room?

 

JONES:Yes, just down the hall

 

MUSIC CUE:whistle sound

 

LORDA: [over loudspeaker]Time for mandatory employee self-massage. You only have five minutes to relax your back and increase your productivity.

 

JONES & SMITH:[begin to do chanting massage type exercise]

 

VEXA: [humored, annoyed and astonished, she points] Down this hall?

 

JONES & SMITH:[spoken while self-massaging] naaaaaaaw

 

VEXA: [points] This one?

 

JONES & SMITH: [spoken while self-massaging] yaaaaaaaeh

 

VEXA: Technology is de-humanizing us!

 

SMITH:What did you say? [both Smith and Jones eye her cautiously]

 

VEXA:Uh, technology is re-juvenizing us? [VEXA begins to self massage, soothing SMITH & JONES]

 

MUSIC CUE:whistle sound

 

LORDA:Times up.Get Back to work.

 

[JONES and SMITH exit.VEXA reveals her camo-love-bead-undercover garb and begins looking around the stage stealthily, talking to herself]

 

VEXA:Drones, mindless cogs in the capitalist machine.You couldnŪt pay me enough to sell out to some weird mind-reading technology.[to audience] YouŪve all done it, I bet!

 

MUSIC CUE:cell phone ringing sound

 

VEXA: Ah ha!An obedient dog on an electronic leash!And your palm pilot, with your whole life compressed down to four inches and 50 megabytes.You canŪt interact with the world without an interface to help you [in the audience now, nose to nose with someone in space-invader mode, nabbing one device after another], youŪve lost all natural social skills!

 

MUSIC CUE:pager sound

 

VEXA:A pagerůhow about žhelloÓ?Do you have emotions, or just bandwidth?[Pulls a laptop out of personŪs coat]Could you even hold a pen, or is your signature virtual now?[abandons person]IŪve got to find the mainframe....[checks her palm pilot; looks up] Yeah, IŪve got one, too, for the greater good.You know what else IŪve got?[pulls fuzzy red worm out of pack, scary sound cue]Fight fire with fire!IŪm going to tear down the walls youŪve built around yourselves and let in the sunlight!

 

[LORDAŪs voice approaches from offstage, VEXA hides beneath her black coat]

 

LORDA: [talking on her cell] CanŪt make them buy it? Free will is just an excuse for your marketing failures.YouŪve got one more week to catch up with BartlettůheŪs already got 99% of New Zealand wired into my network÷[looks at the black heap] and have somebody call the janitor and get this dirty heap off my floor.or fire him [exits other side of stage]

 

[VEXA looks after her, relieved to have escaped detection, and makes for LORDAŪs office (which is revealed somehow?set design comes in here)]

 

VEXA:Lorda Technotrix.The mainframe must be around her somewhere.

 

[VEXA finds the big box, doesnŪt regard or even notice signs reading ŽDanger, Keep Out,Ū finds a hatch that she looks through, reaches for her pack÷

 

MUSIC CUE:virtual travel sound

 

VEXA:Whoa....

 

[hatch sucks her in]


SCENE 2ůday in the life/contact

[opens with our hero BEN THERE alone žprogrammingÓ in the apartment cubby he shares with RED.RED just got the chip, and is obsessed with testing it out÷ throughout the scene she interfers with BEN, who is trying to work ÷]

 

RED:[enters, excited] I am so glad to be alive.The world canŪt get much better than this.IŪm hungry.

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

MUSIC CUE: delivery sound

 

RED: [Fields a package of Hostess Snow Balls, reacts like sheŪs just caught a pop fly in the bleachers] Oh Yeah. [tears open the package and takes a bite] Hey Ben.

 

BEN:Yeah?

 

RED:Guess what came in the mail today÷

 

BEN:The fan for my 1mil giga hertz computer?

 

RED: [whispers seductively] No Ben÷The Chip.

 

BEN:What chip?

 

RED: ››[launches in to the marketing pitch gospel] The TO DO chip.The technology of convenience.Watch. [searching for a thought, takes her a while to come up with one]÷IŪm hungry. [[Picks up a jar jelly]

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

MUSIC CUE: delivery sound

 

RED: [catches peanut butter slices get lobbed over the stage, she picks them up and shows them to BEN]Look, jiffy slices.

 

BEN:Okay÷so it makes your needs easier to satisfy÷but is that better?

 

RED:[looks at peanut butter then realizes] what?No bread÷

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

MUSIC CUE: delivery sound

 

RED:[bread lands on the stage, proceeds to make a PB& J sandwich and eat it÷the peanut butter affects her speech] The to do chip even knows what I want without me having to say it÷watch÷

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

MUSIC CUE: delivery sound

 

RED: [a can of pepsi lands on stage, RED picks it up and offers it to BEN]

 

BEN:[pushes can away, sarcastically] No robot juice for me, thank you.

 

RED:[opens the can and starts guzzling] Have you been reading Ad Busters?

 

BEN:IŪm just not convinced, thatŪs all.

 

RED: [holds up the chip, which is a mini post it pad] Ben, look at it.ItŪs amazing.

 

BEN:Well, I gotta say, it does have defraction grade multicrystalization nano meme specific design.So where does this one go?Behind the ear?

 

RED:Not exactly.

 

BEN:The nose?

 

RED:umm÷

 

BEN:›› Is it a pill?

 

RED:No.It÷[she whispers the rest in his ear]

 

BEN:[shocked, he covers his rear]Not there.

 

MUSIC CUE:slide whistle insertion sound [done while RED mimes the suppository insetion]

 

RED:The first 600 hours are free.

 

BEN:WhatŪs next?Starbucks Vente Frappachino alarm clocks?

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

MUSIC CUE: delivery sound

 

RED: [catches starbucks cup]

 

BEN:Ho HoŪs from heaven?

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

MUSIC CUE: delivery sound

 

RED: [catches ho hoŪs]

 

BEN:I donŪt trust it.Once upon a time÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Fairy tale ping÷

 

BEN: the web was used to share ideas and thoughts÷back before they parceled cyberspace into dot coms÷

 

RED:Jez.YouŪre starting to sound like that wacko from college.What was her name÷Vex?

 

BEN:[defensively, yet also dreamily] Vexa÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Lover sound

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery!

 

MUSIC CUE:delivery sound[a heart shaped box of chocolates lands onstage and RED picks it up]

 

RED:[eating chocolates] Yeah, what a weird chick.God did she have a bleeding heart.

 

BEN:[hearts go off behind BenŪs eyes, then sheepishly]÷She was beautiful, the most non-virtual girl IŪd ever met.So full of carbon.I could kick myself now for sticking to my Game Boy and letting her run off to Guatemala to fight the Matrix alone.

 

RED:I could never be with a woman like that. [makes a lascivious face, which Ben notices..Red tries to hide her thought, but itŪs too late]

 

MUSIC CUE:delivery cue

 

OFF STAGE:Delivery

 

RED: [catches box marked žinflatable womanÓ then hides it nervously]

 

BEN:You like women?

 

RED:[ grappling with the box] I mean÷uh÷I could never be with a WOMAN [nervously sneaks box, grabs it and runs into the bathroom and closes the door]

 

BEN:[looks at his computer screen, confused] WhatŪs this?Wonder Twin Geek Boy.Red, did you write this?

 

RED:[from off stage, obviously preoccupied, then] No.

 

BEN:ThatŪs what she called me

 

MUSIC CUE:love sound

 

BEN: ÷nobody knows that, except÷

 

VEXA: You wish your dad was William Shatner ÷your first dog was named Pixel÷

 

BEN:Oh my god÷Vexa?Is that you?

 

VEXA:Help me Ben÷IŪm trapped in the network.

 

BEN:But how÷

 

VEXA:ThereŪs no time for details.You must help me stop the spread of the Mind Web technology.It is pure evil.

 

BEN:What?You are just as crazy as ever arenŪt you?

 

VEXA:IŪm going to reintroduce the Worm÷

 

BEN:[salaciously] you mean Mr. Winky

 

VEXA:[Embarassed]÷The Red Worm.

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound

 

VEXA:snd destroy the TO DO chip and save the human race.

 

BEN:[her threat causes him panic] No, n÷no÷not the Red Worm.

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound

 

VEXA:[now her activist hysteria flares and she whines] but there is no other way.The proliferation of To Do must be stopped÷

 

BEN:YouŪre insane.IŪm calling Mind Web.

 

VEXA:Ben, youŪve got to trust me.Remember how it was between us?ItŪll be just like old times again÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Those were the Days÷

 

[VEXA AND BENburst into the love song below÷sung as an Archie and Edith style parody of the tune žThose Were the Days" used as the theme song for žAll In The FamilyÓ÷]

 

VEXA:Boy the way our browsers played

VEXA:Sites that made the hit parade.

VEXA:Geeks like us we had it made,

BEN & VEXA:Those were the days.

 

BEN:And you knew who you were then,

BEN:Gates was rich and pens were zen

BEN & VEXA: Webmistress we could use a man

BEN & VEXA: Like Steven Jobs again.

 

BEN:Didn't need no encryption state,

VEXA:Everybody emailed straight.

BEN:Gee our old Pentium 4 ran great.

BEN & VEXA:Those were the days.

 

VEXA:Remember Ben÷

 

BEN:Okay÷just give me a little time÷I can hack the code.

 

[at end of song BEN sits down to start re-coding the programming÷]


SCENE 3ůVEXA becomes another drone in cyberspace

 

VEXA:[wrapping up her conversation with BEN] IŪll give you two hours, starting right now÷[closes her palm pilot lid with a snap and unplugs connection, hides her palm pilot, then under her breath in a gumshoe activist tone]

 

[VEXA wanders around the virtual innards, increasingly realizing the severity of her situation÷she clutches her worm the whole time, BIT & BYTE enter, two virtual workers, equipped with palm pilots, headsets, and power cords]

 

BIT:One

 

BYTE:Zero

 

BIT:Peter Gumly is afraid to kiss Marsha.

 

BYTE:Extra Strong Lysterine÷

 

BIT:and Certs

 

BYTE:$9.99

 

VEXA:Wait÷

 

BYTE:Why arenŪt you working?

 

VEXA:[stalling for time] Who are you?

 

BIT & BYTE: [on cue, as a commercial, sung to the tune of the jingle in scene 1] Welcome to Mind Web Incorporated.

 

BIT:Think with us÷

 

BYTE:and weŪll do it for you

 

BIT:IŪm Bit.

 

BYTE:IŪm Byte.

 

VEXA:You can help me. You work for Lorda Technotrix donŪt you?

 

BIT:Why yes, Ms Technotrix÷

 

BYTE:is going to revolutionize the world÷

 

BIT:make life simpler÷

 

BYTE:easier÷

 

BIT:smoother÷

 

BYTE:simpler÷

 

BIT:easier÷

 

BYTE:smoother÷

 

BIT:simpler÷

 

VEXA:[stops their loop---which is connected to the opening jingle] We must defeat her.

 

BIT:Why would you say such a thing.Ms Technotrix helps people.Mind Web is a community service.

 

BYTE:[not listening to VEXA, says to BIT] WhereŪs her USB Port? [Vexa pats her pocket, making sure her palm pilot is still hidden]

 

BIT:Goodness, she doesnŪt have one.

 

BYTE:Must remedy that.

 

VEXA:I donŪt want one

 

BIT:ItŪs company policy.

 

VEXA:IŪm a freelancer

 

BYTE:[presses on her palm pilot in search of žfreelancerÓ] What department is that?

 

BIT:DonŪt know.

 

VEXA:I mean a Temp

 

BIT:›› [looks at BYTE] Ohhh

 

BIT & BYTE :[nod at each other in recognition, relieved]÷An attachment file!

 

BIT & BYTE: [on cue, as a commercial, sung to the tune of the jingle in scene 1] Welcome to Mind Web Incorporated.

 

BIT:Think with us÷

 

BYTE:and weŪll do it for you.

 

BIT:IŪm Bit.

 

BYTE:IŪm Byte.

 

BIT:You are going to love it here.

 

BYTE:or hate it.Here [hands her an imaginary cord]

 

VEXA:Hey, whatŪs this?

 

BIT & BYTE::[donŪt even notice her complaints and start back to work]

 

VEXA:[watches them incredulously, then with disgust as she realizes they are giving people more than they want to make more money]

 

BIT:One

 

BYTE:Zero

 

BIT:Amy Extrada thinks sheŪs fat

 

BYTE:can of Slim Fast÷

 

BIT:and Avion water

 

BYTE:$4.99

 

VEXA:Wait. ThatŪs not÷

 

BIT:One

 

BYTE:Zero

 

BIT:Jimmy Dalford jr is bored

 

BYTE:Lion King Video÷

 

BIT:and a box of Fruit Loops

 

BYTE:$29.99

 

VEXA:That not÷He just wanted a video..

 

BIT:One

 

BYTE:Zero

 

BIT:Don Log canŪt get it up

 

BYTE:›› Viagra÷

 

BIT:SeptemberŪs Hustler.

 

BYTE:and two dozen condolence roses to Mrs. Log.

 

BIT:$59.99

 

VEXA:[looks over their shoulder and realizes they are over supplying the thought] oh my god÷Lorda and her Mind Web are more evil than I ever imagined.

 

[BIT & BYTE continue working in soundless pantomime]

 

BEN:[taps on his laptop from the other side of the stage]Vexa, are you in there?

 

VEXA:[taps on her palm pilot] Ben?

 

BEN:Vexa?

 

MUSIC CUE:Lover sound.

 

VEXA:Ben?[pause] Finally.Ben, I gotta get out of here.IŪve got two virtual information humpers named Bit and Byte plugging me in, oiling me, poking me.

 

BEN:Relax, theyŪre only ONES and ZEROS.

 

VEXA:This place is crazy, worse than I thought. TheyŪre inserting extra products into customer thought and giving people more than they asked for.Consume consume.IŪm going to unleash the Red Worm÷

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound

 

VEXA:and put us all out of the misery that is sure to come if this Mind Web technology grows any more powerful.

 

BEN: You canŪt.

 

VEXA:Says who?

 

BEN:The Red Worm

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound÷

 

BEN:has been dormant since its capture in 1988, when it almost destroyed all hope of techno human relations.If you set it free now, not only will it kill you but it will erase every hard drive in the world and destroy the Internet.

 

VEXA:WhatŪs so bad about that.

 

BEN:[growing desperate, too afraid to put his real card, his love feelings, on the table] Listen to me Vexa.Reason with me.The Red Worm

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound÷

 

BEN:will screw up the tracking on VCRs, reprogram phone AutoDialers so they only call 900 numbers. Vexa, the Red Worm

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound÷

 

BEN:will leave toilet seats up worldwide.

 

VEXA:[she reconsiders]If IŪm dead, I wonŪt care if toilet seats are up or down

 

BEN:[accidentally lets it out before stopping himself] What if I were the one to leave it up÷

 

MUSIC CUE:love sound

 

VEXA: [realizes he still loves her, but she too is too shy to admit it]÷oh Ben.

 

BEN:[he canŪt hold himself back anymore] Oh Vexa!For the love of DOS,

DonŪt do it.IŪve found the glitch.IŪm coming. Wait for me.

 

MUSIC CUE:love sound

 


SCENE 4ůLORDAŪs evil plan

 

LORDA at desk and SECRETARY voice-over

 

LORDA:LetŪs see÷[thinking÷] hmmm÷what if the thought of a car cup-holder were enhanced by....a Ferrari!IŪd only be giving people what theyŪre going to want in a minute, after all, saving them the anguish of desire. ItŪs perfect.They think bathing suit, I make them want a hot tub÷swimming pool÷a condo in palm springs÷

 

SECRETARY:PepsiCo on line 1.

 

LORDA picks up: .Glad you like the proposal, but I must tell you that Coca-Cola is interested, too.... Well, youŪd never need to run those pathetic taste-test ads again, no one would ever think of choosing Coke, if you get my meaning.

 

SECRETARY:Ralph Nader III on line 3.

 

LORDA:Excuse me....Mr. Nader, what can I do for you?....[gets indignant] Mind Web is simply listening to peopleŪs desires and problems and implementing their solutions...Yes, well, your grandfather didnŪt become president, did he.Goodbye.

[hangs up]There must be some sex scandal I can pin on him, get him out of my way÷

 

SECRETARY:Canada on line 3

 

LORDA: Oh Canada÷Our data shows that Canadians are tired of being perceived as unamerican.Mind Web would like to help, but your strict handgun laws are keeping us from fulfilling their needs÷.

SECRETARY:Ms. Technotrix, There is an error message from the network.

 

LORDA: [looks at her computer screen]What?! A carbon leak in the Mind Web.IŪm on my way [exits]


 

SCENE5ůthe confrontation

[scene opens with BIT & BYTEworking, VEXA skulking around the background nervously fondling the Red Worm]

 

BIT:One

 

BYTE:Zero

 

BIT: Johnston Peckers wants a girlfriend

 

BYTE:One year singles connection membership ÷

 

BIT:and a new wardrobe and tattoo.

 

BYTE:$2,789.69

 

[BIT & BYTE continue working soundlessly]

 

VEXA:[enters behind them, cradling the worm, talking to it, cooing at it, obviously starting to lose it, thinks sheŪll never get out of the Mind Web] There there, little wormy.I know all these technofools are making you hungry.Be patient, my pretty. Soon you can play with all the fiberoptic wires you want. [her head rolls around]oh÷oh÷oh all the line noise is making mommyŪs head swirl.There there wormy. [getting desperate] Ben? Ben?WhatŪs taking so long?

 

MUSIC CUE:virtual travel sound (travel In)

 

BEN:Whoa÷[pleased with himself, pats himself down, notices his black and silver clothes] IŪm in÷[begin looking around] Vexa?

 

VEXA:Ben?

 

BEN:Vexa!

 

VEXA:Ben!

 

[love music punctuation÷they run toward each other, but geek out before they actually touch, VEXA pulls out the red wormůscary music cue--and shows it to him]

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound

 

VEXA: It wants in Ben ÷

 

BEN:[in a mix of desperation and bravado] Not with out the protection of this÷[whips out a worm sleeve

 

VEXA:[gasps, jumps back with the worm] Oh my God!What does it do?

 

BEN:It turns the deadly Red Worm

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound

 

BEN: into The Think Twice Virus

 

MUSIC CUE:Think Twice sound.

 

[BEN & VEXA slip the sleeve on the worm together, panting and breathing as they do]

 

BEN:[holds up the encased worm] Viola! I mean, er÷voila!

 

VEXA: Ooo baby.

 

BEN: WeŪve got to release it into the network...

 

VEXA:Then what?

 

BEN:Enter in a bit ÷[BIT looks up for a moment, then resumes work, BEN notices and changes his words]÷a smidgen of code, [points to each thing on his list], toggle the dump switch, flip the fiberoptic beam, and in 30 seconds, TO DO chip transforms into the ThinkTwice Chip

 

MUSIC CUE:Think Twice sound

 

BEN:and all of this virtual product pimping will be just another bad dream.

 

VEXA: Penetrative programming, Ben!

 

BEN: A major progasm.

 

VEXA: LetŪs undo it.

 

[Just as BEN and VEXA are about to release the Think Twice virus, LORDA enters]

 

LORDA:[entering the virtual world in full technotrix mode, no longer able to contain her evil, barking her orders] Bit? Byte?

 

BIT: Yes boss

 

BYTE:Right here Ms. Technotrix÷

 

LORDA:[momentarily distracted as she notices a smell in the air] Do either of you want to explain why Sister Mary at the Vatican just got a box of Trojans?

 

BIT & BYTE: [pointing at VEXA]÷She did it!

 

VEXA: [passes the Worm to BEN, then jumps in front of him to hide him]

 

LORDA:Ah ha!I thought I smelled uncommodified thought!!What are you doing here?!

 

[BIT & BYTE move toward her]

 

VEXA:[grabs the worm out of BENŪs hands, and they do a tug a war over it] give me the worm.

 

MUSIC CUE:fear sound

 

[LORDA screams at the sight of the worm]

 

BEN:You donŪt know how it works.YouŪll kill us all!

 

VEXA: [wins the tug-o-war and thrusts it toward the approaching BIT & BYTE]Get away from me you phosphorescent sell-outs.I will not be assimilated!!!

 

MUSIC CUE:techno music chase sound

 

[a struggle ensues, and a chase÷eventually BIT emerges with the worm; BIT is about to give the worm to LORDA when÷]

 

BYTE:You canŪt.

 

[EVERYONE looks at her, shocked]

 

BIT:What do you mean, I canŪt?

 

BYTE:I know the girl is obnoxious, but the ideas make sense [Points at BEN] Pretend itŪs him talking.

 

VEXA:Hey

 

LORDA:[threatening] If you donŪt give me that worm to me right now, IŪll demote you to snail mail.

 

BYTE:ooohh scary÷ [to BEN]Is it simple source code?

 

BEN:Smooth, easy.A Real Time upload, some offline java, and the world will be thinkinŪ twice.

 

MUSIC CUE:Think Twice sound

 

LORDA:YouŪll be spam![Lunges for worm, BLACKOUT÷in a dark theater, otherwise,everybody but bit and byte disappear÷show them putting worm toward hole÷or a strobe light÷]

 

MUSIC CUE:virtual travel out sound

 


SCENE 6ůback to reality

 

[back in LORDAŪs office÷BEN & VEXA return to the real word as the strange virtual to reality transfer sound fades off]

 

MUSIC CUE:Virtual Travel In sound

 

BEN:You did it Vexa.

 

MUSIC CUE: Love sound

 

VEXA:I did didnŪt I?[BEN looks at her as if to say, žnot without me you didnŪtÓ, VEXAsmiles sheepishly, suggesting she might change her self-absorbed grandiose ways if he stops being so self-effacing]We did it.

 

[once again, they stare awkwardly, but lovinglyat each other]

 

BEN:Uh÷I guess we should exchange URLs?

 

VEXA:virtueocity.org

 

BEN: Mrwinky.net

 

[both keep shuffling around, looking at the ground, nervously waiting for the other to make the move, unsure what to do now that they donŪt have a crisis to solve÷they make a few attempts to say something, with each one almost speaking, then stoppingshort.Finally VEXA is the one to leap ÷]

 

VEXA: Maybe÷uh÷we could go÷for coffee?

BEN:In real time?

 

VEXA:[nods yes]

 

BEN:[embarrassed but relieved]I know of the perfect little non-franchised caf».ItŪs right around the corner.

 

[they begin to exit ÷but then they run into RED]

 

RED: I donŪt know whatŪs happening.I was hungry.All I wanted was a simple hot dog÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Think twice sound

 

RED:÷but then I started thinking about all the starving hotdogs in India÷[continues to walks on stage scratching his head]

 

[BEN and VEXA high five and then LORDA enters]

 

LORDA:[improv the way she enters with a joke÷then at first seeming like her same old self]÷IŪll get you two for this÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Think twice sound

 

LORDA:or maybe I wonŪt÷

 

[VEXA winks at the audience, and BEN & VEXA continue to watch, amused]

 

LORDA:I must take over the world.

 

MUSIC CUE:Think twice sound

 

LORDA:On second thought÷The whole worldŪs too big for one person to manage.Headaches. Stress.Maybe I should give Mexico back to the nationals and retire on a couple of acres up north.Live in a school bus.Grow my own food.

 

RED:[notices LORDA] Ohhh, you look good, too bad youŪre not a man.I donŪt go for women, too complicated, especially if they know what they want÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Think twice sound

 

RED:Actually, I rather like women÷[RED approaches LORDA and puts her arm around her waist]

 

BEN:Think twice÷

 

MUSIC CUE:Think twice sound

 

VEXA:think for yourself

 

BEN & VEXA:Two minds are better than one.

 

MUSIC REPRISE:

VEXA:Boy the way our browsers play

VEXA:Sites that make the hit parade.

VEXA:Geeks like us we have it made,

BEN & VEXA:These are the days.

 

**THE END**


MUSIC CUES

 

jingle sound

virtual travel soundůin and out

delivery sound

lover sound

fear sound

think twice sound

 

SET NEEDS

Virtual chairs 2/screen keyboard combo

Virtual world

Desk

Dander sign/virtual sign

 

PROPS

Platter

Steak

Shoes

Palm pilot

Worm & virus bag

Pizza crust

Jiffy slices

Bread

Pepsi

Foil turd (to do chip)

Starbucks cup

Hamburger

Chocolate box

Inflatable doll box

 

 

 

 


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